Doggie Soccer Mom

My parents are out of town this week. They, like most American families, are able to take summer vacations. I, for some reason, am of the idea that summer is the best time of the year to work 7 days a week for endless hours. As a result, I'm stuck at home until Friday babysitting the dogs while they, along with my sister, are at my grandmothers house on the beach eating lobster.

My dogs and I are close, but other than assigning some human emotions to them have managed to always view them as they are, pets. I don't mind locking them in their blanket and toy filled crates if I have to go out of the house, feeding them a broken biscuit because that's all that left doesn't faze me, they're dogs, they don't care.

This all changes when I'm left as the dogs sole caretaker. I find myself worrying about them 24/7. I usually close the door to my room to keep them out, now I've moved their beds into my room and strewn some laundry around so that they have a comfortable place to sleep. While I'm angry that they wake me up at 6am, I have to admit waking up to Finnian's long nose resting on my bed and his big black eyes pleading for food is kind of adorable. I frantically pace the house before I leave for work looking for anything that they could get into trouble with, left over food, socks, priceless family heirlooms, etc. After I'm satisfied that the house is dog proof I figit with the thermostat, is the house too cold? Too hot? When I'm finally satisfied I pull out of my driveway with a pit in my stomach. What sort of trouble will they get into over the next 8 hours? Will the neighborhood teen remember to come over and feed them and let them out? What if one gets hurt during the middle of the day, should i come home and check on them?

Like any mom the minute I come home to "my babies" they start driving me up a wall. They bark and run around the house like madmen. I try and lie down to take a nap but they stand by my bedside and whimper until I pay attention to them. Eventually I give in and pack them up for a trip to the park. Leashes? check. Water? check. Clean up bags? check. Together we all load into the Volvo and head off to the generic suburban park created for the sole purpose of exercise.

At the park I meet my counterparts. First, the lesbian couple with their mutt, Joy. They exchange a look of displeasure as we walk of the path and one of them blocks the gate. "Do your dogs play nicely?" she asks, staring them down. "Of course" I say, offended that she would even question my saintly boys. She let me in and I quickly unhooked Finny from his leash. I held on to Brodie....Brodie doesn't exactly play nice with some dogs and this wasn't one that I was willing to experiment on. As Finny and Joy chase each other around the park I talk with Joy's parents. One of them mentions that Joy has a standing playdate with another dog every morning. Should I get my boys play dates? Are they not socialized enough?

Brodie sits nicely at my side and doesn't move when Joy comes to give him a sniff so I decide to let him go. Joy's parents are alarmed, apparently they think Brodie is the devil. The devil immediately skips off into a corner to spend his socializing time eating grass. Brodie definitely needs a playdate.

Another couple joins us, this time a young heterosexual pair and their perfect little cockapoo, Sadie. Sadie is pretty and she knows it. Finny and Brodie are immediately interested and both run to meet her. They chase her around as she flirts and hides behind her owner. That little harlot, she's playing the two against each other. This will not end well. Her owner laughs and says that Sadie enjoys sniffing other dogs, but doesn't enjoy other dogs sniffing her. Ah, she's Brodie. I call Brodie over as this will not end well and surprisingly he comes and sits next to me. Good boy, make me look good in front of the other parents.

Sadie and Joy begin to chase a ball together while my boys pair up and head for the dark corner under the tree to sniff and generally be anti social. I chase them down and try to get them involved with the other dogs but they want none of it. Meanwhile the other couples are engaging in quiet conversation with each other. I feel like the ostracized single mother at a PTA meeting. Clearly they've heard the latest about my ex-husbands affair and are gossiping about it. I throw every ball in the park towards the group, hoping to either A) get my dogs interested in playing with the other dogs, or B) hit the couples who are gossiping about me and my made up life as a 45 year old divorcee.

No luck, like the Katsopolis twins on Full House, my dogs only have interest in playing with each other.

Joy and her mothers leave and my dogs immediately try and make one last move on Sadie. Finnian tries to win her over by stealing the tennis ball she was playing with. He needs some lessons on his game. I grab the tennis ball and throw it to the two, Sadie's owner grabs the tennis ball on the rebound then throws it to Sadie as soon as Finnian looks away. Finnian and Brodie will NOT be playing with Sadie again, not with that attitude.

After one last failed attempt Brodie comes over to me and sits down, he has decided it's time to go. I pack up my boys, take them for a quick stroll and we head home. Once home i do what any good mom does, throw them in the back yard with the sprinkler on and forget about them until two wet dogs cry at the backdoor. Maybe I don't have that motherly instinct just yet...